The Search For Kathea, A Leap Into Finding Geralt's Lost Soul

 The Search For Kathea, A Leap Into Finding Geralt's Lost Soul

     Iriisii leaves the moneychanger, Cosma Cianfanelli's establishment, letting her desire to find Geralt come to the front of her mind now that the other matter has been settled. She follows the tugging and walks in the deepening gloom of sunset through the better, more high-end estates, to the old temple that the 'Church of the Eternal Flame' used for whatever purposes they used it for.

     As she walks in through the large doors, she sees the open courtyard, empty, lifeless. Somehow, even when all of the former churchmen went about their business here and services to the more noble public were held here, she still got the unerring feeling this place was still empty and lifeless. She hears echoes of the words shouted to the crowds of people gathered here, feels the meaningless emotions behind them. For there was no true faith or hope here, only the baser desires held sway. And they are still as empty as the building is now.

     The despair of such emptiness weighs heavy on her, but she also feels this is where Geralt was led to. Here the lingering emotions echo what he is feeling now. And it is up to her to help him find himself once more before he is lost forever.

     She looks around, letting her senses expand and sort through the remains of the time the 'Church' held sway. Then she feels him looking at her from a high vantage point. She doesn't even look directly at him, she does not need to, she knows exactly where he is. She gestures to him to come down. Yet this time, he sits still on his perch, looking down at her. She gestures again, this time pointing a finger directly at him, turning her hand and crooking the finger back and forth. This time there is no mistaking the meaning and Geralt stands and makes his way down. Knowing that if he does not, the next time she is likely to grab him with a telekinesis spell and drag him down to listen to what she has to say.

     A few minutes later as he walks up, she has conjured a pair of chairs facing one another. She sits in one and gestures for him to take the other. The first of the stars beginning to appear in the night sky, bearing witness to this meeting.

     "I will not ask you 'why', for I know 'why'. What I will ask, is how can I help?"

     "I do not know how you can help, I do not even know how to help myself."

     "That is why I am here. You are lost in the mists of the past, mired in the fears caused by the teachings beaten into you during your training to become a Witcher while yet a child."

     "What teachings are you referring to?"

     "That Witchers have no feelings."

     Geralt lowers his head, acknowledging the truth of her words.

     "You know this for a lie, a most despicable lie to tell to children over and over again, until they come to believe it in their heart and soul, just to perpetuate the separation between Witchers and the common people. To further strengthen the divide that separates you from them. But we know, nothing is further from the truth."

     "Do we, do we truly know that it is a lie?"

     "Look at me, Geralt! Have I ever lied to you, ever?"

     "No, you have not. I have not always agreed with what you have said or done, but you have always proven to be right and true."

     "And so I say to you now, Witcher's can feel just as humans do, just as other species do. You just are inhibited from outwardly showing it. And almost all others do not have the skills to look inside and see the truth of my words in you. But you were taught differently, and all others responded to what you were taught, strengthening its hold over you. And that belief, wrong as it is, is still at war within your soul with what you know to be the truth."

     "How then do I reconcile this, a lie with the truth?"

     "Like all such problems are reconciled, by seeing, knowing in your heart and soul, just what the truth is, and believing that it can set you free of the lie. Call it a form of Redemption if you will, that is close enough. I know it started all the way back with your mother abandoning you to Vesemir."

     "Please! stop! the memories!"

     "Do not try and turn away from them, rather embrace them, see that they are just that, memories. You do not have the information to understand what happened, why it was done, what purpose was it done for. I do not have it and cannot give it to you. You do not have it, and the one time when you asked for it from her who was your mother, she denied you that information.

     This then you must set aside, for you will likely never know the answers to the questions you asked, and trying to find anything that will fit is fruitless and destructive to you. On to your training, those who directed your steps and thoughts as they were in turn directed, are long gone, and it would do no good to delve into the past and ask for they themselves do not know the answers to the questions needed to be asked. All you can do is examine what you were taught, is it truly constructive to do what Witcher's do, or has it been an impediment, doing more harm than help?"

     "It has done far more harm than help, as I look back and see the results of what it has done to me in my life."

     "Then set it aside, but only this part, it does not mean all that you were taught has no value as a Witcher, only this one thing."

     Years of meditation, training, personal reflection, and even soul searching come forth and shows him how to separate that one belief from all the others and lock it away.

     "Now we move on, I know of Essie."

     "What!! How could you know?"

     "I am a Greater Goddess and 'Daughter' of the 'Mother of the Cosmos', there are some things given to me to know of those who are close to me. She is important to this because she was your first love. How you handled her, set the path that you have traveled since and we will go into what that road did to you, but first the matter of Essie.

     She loved you with all of her heart, and gave her heart to you, even as you did nothing to receive it or safeguard it. Do you even now realize how strong was the pity that Dandelion felt for her that made him crack that 'Witcher' armor around your heart and convince you to tell her of your belief and your feelings, even if it was not what she wished to hear.

     And it so was not what she wanted and needed to hear. You basically said that all you could give her was, physical pleasure, nothing more. And so she decided that if that was all she could have of you, then it would have to do. The only problem was that eventually, it was not enough, was it? And when she realized that you either could not or would not bend, she left you. You felt the pain of her leaving, the loneliness, the despair, but you locked it all away, buried deep in the recesses of your subconscious, kept at bay, by your belief, your meditation, your training. But it never goes away does it, it just stays back there and grows with each new woman you come to care about and then forces them away from you.

     This one became the foundation for all others to come, when two years later, as smallpox was ravaging the kingdoms, you get word that she had contracted it and died. Now she was gone, and you lost the chance to make things right with her. Even so Dandelion convinced you to go with him, and the two of you claimed her body and interred her in a tomb. But along with her body, you wanted to leave all of the memories and feelings that came back to you as you looked upon her. But that is not what happened, was it?

     The feelings and memories stayed with you, stayed in the back of your mind, every once in a while, sneaking their way out to play in your mind. Your time, training Ciri helped you bury them once more, as Ciri took the place of Essie, as best she could without knowing what was happening. But she grew up didn't she, and went her own way for a while.

     I know what happened after she left, and why she had to come back and save your soul from the hideous torment you were enduring as you rode with the 'Wild Hunt'. In getting you free from the 'Hunt', you lost, truly lost, most of the memories you made with them, be thankful for that, Geralt, be very thankful. You encountered Triss, who remembered you from the past, and her feelings blossomed forth once more, this time because you had no memories of anyone else from before, they started to take root.

     And this gave her great hope, hope that she could find a place for herself in your heart. But your memories came back didn't they, and you remembered Yennefer, and the Djinn's 'wish'. The power of that wish came roaring back over you with a vengeance, didn't it? And off you went leaving Triss in search of Yennefer. Who was also fleeing that same 'wish'. She had an even more tumultuous life than you did, only my own is a match and even exceeds her own.

     She would let you catch up, then try and see if what she felt for you was real or just the magic of the 'wish'. And when she could not tell what was real and what was the 'wish' she would run again, leaving you to go searching yet again. For deep inside yourself, you did not care if it was real or just the Djinn's 'wish', but you wanted it to be real nonetheless. And could not understand why she kept running.

     Geralt, the reason she kept running was that she too wanted it to be real. And because she could not tell between real and 'wish', she felt you as well could not tell. Truth be told, you could not tell either, could you? She was not going to base a long-term relationship with you on what might turn out to be a lie. She could not do that to herself, for if it was a lie, it would kill her since she had already been betrayed by one lover.

     You did not know that did you? Who it was is no longer relevant. What is relevant is that she found a way to release the 'wish' and put an end to the questions. Then you opened the prison, fought the Djinn, fought it until Yennefer was able to trap it once more and bargain for release from the 'wish' in return for releasing the Djinn. And then all dreams were shattered weren't they? Yen got her the wish she wanted and found that her feelings for you were in fact true and not from the 'wish'. But Triss's reappearance had awakened the old feelings, didn't they?

     And you found that without the 'wish' driving you to pursue Yennefer, the love Triss had for you awakened the feelings you had for her but were kept dormant because of the 'wish'. This is why I have never used magic on my mates, but rather magic has come to us and strengthened the love we already had. But now that your love for Triss has strengthened, the old demons have found a new way, a new place to attack, children. For now, it is possible to repair the damage done to you both, to enable you to have children of your own, and that has frightened you into distancing yourself from Triss. Did it ever occur to you that had you stayed with Yennefer, we would most likely be having this same conversation only it would be about you and Yen, rather than you and Triss? What does this tell you, my friend?

     That the problem lies within you, not physical, but mental, emotional. I would add spiritual but you are not a follower of Gods or Goddesses. If you were it would make things easier, but that is not who you are, and I will not change who you are, not for anyone. You and only you, have the right to change yourself. But I do wish you would talk to Triss about this. Personally, I think you would be a wonderful father to a child of yours and Triss's. I look at how you raised Ciri, and there is all of the proof I need. Also, you do not need to give up being a Witcher. Your fertility can be restored without changing anything else.

     There are all kinds of fathers in all of the worlds, not all are open with their progeny as others are. Yet they all manage to do their best, and it works out. I think you learned to strike a balance between being closed and open when you raised Ciri. A balance that would serve you well with any children you choose to father. If you had not done as good a job as you feel you should have, this world would be frozen in ice and snow at the least, or more likely Ciri would be Empress of Nilfgard if the White Frost had been turned away.

     The fact that she chose to be a Witcher, to follow in your footsteps. Says how good of a father you were to her, and how good you would be to any others you and Triss may have. Go to Triss, my friend, tell her what we spoke of or not, as you wish. But tell her the truth, how you feel, let your heart and soul do the talking, not your fears and training. I promise you will not regret it, and you know I keep my promises. Now go, there is another coming that I just need to speak to, and yes, you know who she is, Tamara Strenger, the Bloody Baron's daughter."

     Geralt stands and shakes his head as if to clear out cobwebs.

     "Why is she coming here?"

     "Because she has received information that I had something to do with the disappearance of the hierarchy of the 'Church of the Eternal Flame', which I did play a role in."

     "You admit it!! You made them vanish!!"

     Tamara runs at Iriisii from the great doors with a sword she had taken from one of the vanished church members. Geralt draws his own blade to defend Iriisii.

     "Disarm but do not harm her, she is misguided but still an innocent in this."

     "Innocent or not she can still kill with that sword, probably herself, but..."

     "Disarm please."

     Just as Tamara swings her blade, Geralt deftly crosses swords with her, pushes her blade far enough to the side that he can grab her hand. He then twists, and she drops the blade. As Geralt moves it out of her reach.

     "Go ahead, kill me like you did them. I have nothing left to live for."

     And falls to the ground, eyes full of tears.

     "Geralt, go to Triss. I will be fine, thank you. Willem will be here soon."

     "I still cannot wrap my head around what you did..."

     "Geralt, not yet. He has not yet been announced and so I prefer he and his former self not be mentioned in the same breath."

     "I understand. I guess I really should go and speak to Triss, we have a lot to talk about."

     "Everything will be fine, Geralt, trust me."

     "You are right", looking at Tamara, "I have seen you do some miraculous things, but please do not get hurt, I would never hear the end of it."

     "Shoo, shoo, I will be fine. Tamara child, please sit in the chair, it is much more comfortable for what we must talk about."

     "We have nothing to talk about, so just kill me and get it over with."

     "Oh but we do indeed have a great deal to talk about, not all tonight, a few things anyway, not the least is the return of your mother and father."

     "What!! What do you know? When is mother coming, I care nothing for my father but.."

     "Sit down, shut up, and we will speak, but not until then."

     Tamara sits and holds her voice although it is a great effort to do so.

     "Good, now. Yes, BOTH of your parents are soon to arrive. I know what happened, and yes I can understand your feelings. However, there is much that you do not understand. I am not, I say again, not, going to defend your father. But I will say this much, he is not the man who took your mother to the hermit in the 'Blue Mountains'.

     If you must judge him, find out for yourself 'who' he is now, then judge him. But be careful when you do, that the same standards be not applied to judging you. Now it is not possible for them to return to "Crow's Perch". It is entirely too dangerous, his former men there would turn on him in an instant when they see the changes in him and kill the both of them. So I have extended an invitation for them to come here and stay for a while until something more permanent can be arranged.

     I purposely did not mention your name or that I was speaking to you of this. I did not want them to think I was in any way representing you. You may, of course, stay and greet them when they arrive or not, it is your choice."

     "I will stay then."

     "Good, but we must discuss what happened to the 'Church'. I am pretty certain you were unaware of much that it was involved in, at least here in Novigrad anyway. It was for those things that they are now serving judgment for."

     "Where are they? How did they all just vanish at once?"

     "Let me ask a question, then I will answer yours. Do you know 'who' I am? Or more to the point, 'what' I am?"

     "I have heard almost nothing, but that you would be here tonight and that you were involved in the 'Church' and all of the priests and above vanishing."

     "To that, the answer is yes, I was involved, and I will tell you exactly what happened, allow you to speak to those who witnessed it if you so desire, and then we will speak of who and where you received this information about me."

     "I was asked to perform a wedding between Dandelion and Callonetta, and before you ask, the 'Mother of the Cosmos', she who stands above all other Gods and Goddesses, granted me the right to perform weddings according to her 'Rites'. As to how I know she is in fact who she says she is? I have spoken to many who are in a position to know the hierarchy of both the Divine and the Hellish. They all agree as to her position as well as the 'Mantle' she took to place herself at the top. It also helps that I ran into her sister deep under a mountain in the Nothern Wastes, inside a 'Keep of the First Ones'. She told me much that answered many questions that I had.

     The wedding was interrupted by the local High Priest and some of his lower priests. He said that his objection was with my 'right' to perform the wedding, not with the participants. I invoked the 'Challenge of the Gods', a rule set down billions upon billions of years ago to settle issues between the Gods to prevent wholesale battles and wars of succession. The gist of it is that when a 'Challenge' is issued, the Soul Hounds of the 'Mother' will come and arbitrate the dispute. If one side is not in attendance, they will go and locate the vacant one, bringing them to the arbitration. If the 'Hounds' cannot find the vacant one, that particular God is considered a lie, and all those involved in perpetrating the lie, if they are aware of it, are taken for punishment.

    That the High Priest and the other priests were not aware of this is also an indication that the 'Church of the Eternal Flame' was a fabrication. The 'Mother' likely knew this, but without a direct challenge to the 'Eternal Flame' to prove the point to all other Gods and Goddesses, it would have gone nowhere. As it is, I intend to begin work on a new 'Church', which will be called the 'Church of the White Phoenix'. The principal will be one of my daughters, Dovah Sot Yolos, the Dragon of the White Phoenix. She will be a goddess of peace, mercy, compassion. She has one to act as her High Priest, Herald, and Prophet. He will be coming by shortly and I think he will be bringing Dovah, so you can see for yourself that she does exist.

     May I ask if you were aware of what events the 'Church of the Eternal Flame' was responsible for here in Novigrad?"

     "What do you mean?"

     "By your answer, it is apparent that you did not know. This is good for your sake at least."

     "Tell me what do you mean, what are you saying that they did?"

     Iriisii looks at Tamara, trying to judge how much she can take without breaking.

     "Many sorceresses, non-human races, almost anyone who had something the 'Church' wanted but would not sell, donate, give, found themselves denounced, tortured, then burned at the stake."

     "No! No, you must be mistaken, they would never do that!"

     "I have nearly the entire city as witnesses. Geralt has seen it with his own eyes, even knew one of the victims. If you doubt my word, ask him. I can say that the 'Crown' was very quick to confiscate the properties, and I have currently hired Cosma Cianfanelli to negotiate my purchase of all their old properties here in Novigrad. If you like, once the transaction is done, you may go through all of them and look for anything to either prove or disprove what I am saying."

     "Why would you let me do this?"

     "You have no agenda, no reason to hide anything, but you also may be able to find things intended to be hidden from prying eyes. I could find everything, I am certain of that, but if you find it, you can be certain that it is authentic and not planted to make the 'Church' look bad. I know whereof I speak, but you have no reason to believe or disbelieve me, therefore you finding what can be found adds legitimacy. If there is anything that speaks of collusion with the 'Crown', that can be used to force them to back down from us. I do not intend to become involved with shady, underhanded dealings, whether from the criminal underworld, or the 'Crown'.

     I have much greater concerns that demand my attention, and from time to time need someone to handle smaller issues for me. But I want someone who believes in what I stand for, someone who can understand the stakes that are at play. I do not expect anyone who works for me to dive in over their head. I have plenty of others with various levels of skill and expertise who can step in and assist if needed, but their numbers are small compared to the need, and they have spread far apart. There are also many that I have in my service that I would never bring here, simply because they cannot blend in. Their physical appearance would cause an uproar as soon as they walked out of a doorway."

     "Then you have many non-humans in your service?"

     "Considering that 'humans' make up only a small percentage of the overall population of sentient beings in the Creations, I would say, yes to that. That is simply the plain facts. I make an honest attempt to ...get along... with all the races I come into contact with, human or otherwise. All who are sentient deserve to be treated with respect, as you would be if the roles were reversed."

     "You have certainly given me a great deal to think about."

     "Take your time, Tamara, you are an intelligent young woman, capable of understanding what I have said, you simply need a wider base of experience with which to compare what you know and have been told. Ah, Willem is here."

     Iriisii motions Willem over to where she and Tamara wait.

     "My Lady, I bring 'Dovah' to you as you asked, she was quite well behaved for her age, but I am sure she prefers her mother's touch."

     "Thank you, Willem. This is Tamara Strenger, would you be good enough to arrange some quarters for her, I know she must be tired after her trip here from Oxenfurt. Tamara, I would like for you to meet 'Dovah Sot Yolos', Dragon Princess and Dragon of the White Phoenix."

     Iriisii holds Dovah out to Tamara, who as she was reaching out to take her, exclaims, "She has white gold eyes!"

     Dovah seems to think this is funny, as she starts to chuckle.

     Tamara moves Dovah around to get a better look at her eyes when she sees beneath her blanket at her back. She freezes, to which Iriisii comments, "it is all right, Tamara. Hold her up so that she can unfurl them, they need to get exercise when she is this young." As Tamara does so, Dovah's wings spread to their utmost span width.

     "They are so beautiful."

     "Yes they are, the sunlight is gorgeous as it shines off of them, but somehow I think the starlight is even more beautiful."

     "But how..."

     "How could I have a child with dragon wings?"

     "Willem?" ‎Willem gently takes Dovah from Tamara. And then Iriisii unfurls her own wings. Tamara's eyes grow wide at the sight.

     "On my world, we have some with 'Dragonblood', gifted to certain bloodlines by the God of Time and Father of Dragons, Akatosh. The 'Dragonblood' by itself is not enough for this though. When the gods decide heroes are needed to right great wrongs that normal mortals cannot deal with, they ask Akatosh to anoint one of the 'Dragonblood' to become 'Dragonborn'. When this manifests the Dragonborn is able to exhibit the powers of the dragons that live in my world. They can learn and use the 'Rotmulag', words of power from Dovahzul, the language of Dragons. These words can by their use manifest as fire, ice, lightning, and other effects. They learn these words by reading them from 'Word Walls' commemorating fallen heroes, from listening to the words being used, or by killing a hostile dragon and absorbing his soul, thus gaining his knowledge and his accumulated power, gathered by his own battles with other dragons, killing them and taking their power and knowledge.

     And on very rare circumstances, it is decided to anoint a 'Dragonblood' before they are born, still in the womb. They are called 'Dragonchild', and I am one, so too are most of my children. When a Dragonchild is gifted or otherwise joins the flesh and blood of a god with their own, and they reach certain power levels they can grow wings."

     "What about..."

     "Full transformation?"

     "Yes, can you do that?"

     "I can, Dovah cannot, at least not yet anyway. I have a half-dragon daughter who has both human and dragon forms."

     "A half-dragon, how is she different?"

     "Did I mate with a dragon to have her? No. It is rather complicated and there are still details about what happened that caused it that I am hazy about and do not remember clearly. I was under extreme duress when I conceived her egg. I was near death by virulent poison gas. I was saved by two comrades who donned masks that insulated them from the poison while they entered the cavern and brought me out. I was the sole survivor, everyone else inside died.

     One who died had become special to me. She was so much like but unlike one who was to become one of my mates, she was the last of her family line. The others hunted over many years and killed, in some kind of misguided vendetta. I was entrusted to be her protector, but I failed, it cost her life and the end of her family line."

     "I am sorry, for your loss."

     "Thank you, I try to go and visit her grave each year, but I am afraid I am behind with all that has happened. When I found out she had died,...I lost myself. I was told by one who witnessed it, that I shouted two words in Dovahzul. A very large whirlwind grew around me, at first, dirt, leaves, then sticks, then limbs, anything not nailed down or secured deep in the ground, was picked up and carried into the whirlwind. And it kept growing.

     Lilith was determined not to run, to see it through to the end. I learned from her that a Dragon came and landed near to me. He said two different words from the ones I had spoken, and it seemed to break what was going on. He instructed Lilith to stay near to me, and if ever this was repeated, she was to run a sword through me before the third word could be uttered. If she was to be too slow or fail it would mean the total destruction of my world. I came later to learn it was more involved than that. But Varthlocuur did not trust Lilith with what it truly meant."

     "Can you say what it did mean?" 

     "He was right when he said it would mean the destruction of Nirn, but it would also mean more than that. It would mean the destruction of Mundus, the sphere in which Nirn resides, and it would then be reborn with me being the guiding force. Me, at that time half-insane, mad with grief, responsible for the rebirth of Mundus and Nirn, it is no wonder the Gods thought me unstable. That was a long time ago, and I have gone through other events of deep grief, but no repeat of what happened. Also, somehow in all of that, the spirit of the magic of Aetherius, before it released me from the whirlwind, produced the dragon egg within me and I passed it out after I collapsed to the ground.

     Varthlocuur recognizing what it was, took it to a place for safekeeping until one day I would hear the egg call me, and I would go to it and imprint myself through the shell with my blood, that the young one inside would know me as its mother. That egg is what Aleytys Windsong, called 'Sil Ven Lavaas' in Dovahzul, my half-dragon daughter, hatched from, in a lost Temple of Kyne, built in the caldera of an ancient volcano, deep in the Velothi Mountains."

     "There can be no doubt of what you have told me to be true. I have held the proof in my arms. If one part is true then the rest must be as well. I was such a misguided fool."

     "It happens to all of us at one time or another. What matters is that when shown the truth, you can see it and do what you must do to protect yourself."

     "Thank you,...somehow I think I know Willem from somewhere. I am sure I have not met him before but something...I do not know."

     "He was not always called Willem. Once he was a broken, flawed, shell of a man, near death, yet even death stayed his hand. He was waiting for me, to come and find him, to offer him 'Redemption' and 'Rebirth'. Now he is who you see before you, the old passed away, the new reborn. Who he was no longer matters, what matters now is who he wants to be. And now he wants to be High Priest, Prophet, and Herald to 'Dovah Sot Yolos'. Willem, please remind me in a day or so, there is something I would like to talk with you about. There is no hurry right now, but time grows short and I need to resolve this."

     "Of course, Your Ladyship."

     "Leave Dovah with me for a while, I think she would enjoy learning to talk to the stars."